Steve Kovacs

Teenagers Deal With Hormones, Parenting and Trying To Be Someone; Its Tough--Find Out How To Help



Posted: Monday, August 03, 2009

by Steve Kovacs
The Kovacs Perspective

Teens have such a hard time. Their bodies are changing towards adulthood and their minds are now probing in different areas. Hormones are also changing but in many cases, they are out and out raging like a locomotive barreling down a hill. Teenagers are trying to make a stand in their lives. They know a lot of what is going on around them but not quite enough for true maturity. They feel the need and want to exert themselves. They are starting to feel that they really matter and they want to make a stand.

There are teens that are abusing drugs and alcohol during this time when their bodies and minds are growing. Couple that with the lack of a mom or a dad at home or many who are at home, however, who are terrible mentors or disciplinarians, and problems occur.

Yes, I said the word disciplinarian. In today's age, using that word sometimes gets an up-turned eyebrow. It sounds too harsh. It sounds too archaic. Many say discipline is an incorrect way to raise a child. Dialogue; get opinions and work on a consensus many say.

The fact of the matter is that kids need discipline and crave it! Rest assured I am not talking about excessive, ego driven, over-the-top discipline. In addition, they also want direction. Teens look for direction and the limits that make their path in life work. With lack of helpful limits or direction, kids will not know what to do in their lives. Children desperately want to know what life is all about and what to do. They crave it almost as much the air they breathe!

They need parents, or caretakers who realize that their utmost goal is to help build a healthy, whole human being. There is nothing more important for parents than to build their kids . . . nothing.

However, the problem many have is they simply do not know the better ways to raise a child. They themselves may have been raised poorly or have psychological problems which get in their way. Alternatively, some have read substandard child rearing material or received terrible parenting advice.

So, where can a parent turn to when they realize they may not know the best way to raise a teen? If they feel turbulent or out of their league because of their own psychological issues, just realizing that fact, starts them on the right path. Once that realization occurs they should get help. Look for church groups to help. Try free clinics that offer psychological help or if they can afford it, see a private psychologist. Do not wait, do it right away.

As for direction on how to raise kids, try the old standards. Old standards such as the Bible or your religious text of choice are a good start. If you do not want to go the religious route, the Internet offers some good resources. Try these two sites, which seem great: The second listed site offers self-tests to gauge how you are doing.

http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/parenting/teens.shtml

http://www.byparents-forparents.com/

I have seen troubled kids ready for jail and a life of misery. Moreover, I have seen parents jump in with both feet and do whatever it took to change these kids around, successfully.

Steve is the author of Protect Yourself: The Simple Keys Women Need to be Safe and Secure. He is the host of the Internet Radio Talk Show, The Kovacs Perspective http://www.thekovacsperspective.com/ where he interviews experts in various fields, geared to help and inform. Steve also does on-line current events & political audio commentary.

Steve's background is in law enforcement, security, investigations, teaching and he is also the president of a small specialty investigation company: http://www.allsourcesecurity.com/investigations.htm. Contact Steve any time at:info@thekovacsperspective.com

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Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)
» left by Connor Davidson
 2 years 296 days ago.
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Great article. Well done.
 
I would always attempt to convince them with a rational argument. However, some people don't listen to that so discipline is important.
 
Whereas underage sex, drinking or drugs skips the rational argument and straight to discipline. As that crosses the line in front of all lines except the murder, rape and genocide one.
 
I see where you are coming from with the “Yes, I said the word disciplinarian” bit. Do you think the no smack pack has went too far?
» left by Steve Kovacs 2 years 295 days ago.
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Hi Connor

 

I would always recommend using rational talk etc before anything.  I never heard the term no smack pack, how hilarious.  I don’t think reasonable physical punishment is wrong at all.  Hopefully, it would never be needed but it should be left on the table as a resort.  Verbal arguments, directions etc first and foremost but I am not against the smack pack thing.

 

By the way, thanks for joining my fan club! 

» left by Connor Davidson 2 years 292 days ago.
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As far as I know I came up with the term. It was when I was in Australia about 3 weeks ago and was talking to a prison officer in a young offenders institute.
 
Anyway, thanks for joining my fan club too.
» left by Steve Kovacs 2 years 292 days ago.
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You are welcome and  I like you're new photo better--you look like movie star or a rock-star--if you ever get rich and famous send some cash or pounds to your SearcWarp friends!
» left by Connor Davidson 2 years 291 days ago.
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I changed it because SearchWarp author Cameron Home told me it was a rubbish photo and it made me look stupid. However, its better than his non-existant photo.
 
As for the money a relitive has asked (told me) if I ever get rich I have to pay for her to have a boob job. I think/ hope she is joking.
 
 
 
» left by Atiku solomon from Ghana 1 year 242 days ago.
sex! It is a must or a want
» left by Anonymous
 2 years 295 days ago.
Hi Steve ~ a great article and a subject matter on which I have climbed upon the soapbox when dealing with juvies in the justice system. This sentence stands out so poignantly in your article "The fact of the matter is that kids need discipline and crave it!" Not only do they crave discipline, they want their parents to follow through with it so the R-E-S-P-E-C-T isn't violated ~ once parents lose the respect of their teens, it's almost next to impossible to go back the other direction. Also, I might add that there are a lot of free counseling agencies available along with SOCAP (Status Offenders Court Alternative Program) who will help guide with solutions. I am presently dealing with young adults living next door to me who are oppositional defiant (ODD) and a product of poor parenting ~ is there a chance to straightened them out past the teen years without legal intervention ~ I highly doubt it? Thanks for sharing and caring. Suzy
» left by Steve Kovacs 2 years 295 days ago.
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Thanks Suzy—I agree that if one loses respect, whether teens, students (kids and adults) and the list probably goes on and on-- it is tough to get it back.  I would agree that sometimes it’s next to impossible.  As for your neighbors with the buzzword label (there’s tons of em now) there may be a couple of ways to address it.   Gaining their friendship or some sort of common kinship that you two or three may be able to develop are options.  Having problems with neighbors can be some of the worst things to deal with.  Who wants bad blood in the area of their sanctuary?

Personally, I have gone out of my way to try my best to make things work out before anything legal or physical occurs in situations I have had.  I have seen the nighmares bad neighbor relations have caused for people!   It has worked for me but for some it has not.  I have seen legal efforts work in some ways and I have seen physical threats work for others.  As an example, what do you think those young adults would do if two monster sized tough guys who take no guff or disturbance would move in where you live.  They’d change their tune.  However, I recommend trying to be reasonable, establish a kinship, and even talk about your concerns with them and then if that does not work go the legal route.  Then…do they have a RENT A BAD ASS service in your area?  Good luck!

» left by Anonymous 2 years 294 days ago.

Hey Steve ~ that was riveting advice to a somewhat hypothetical question about troubled young adults and great humor too; however, the problem is not between the neighbors and me, which was not clearly stated, nor would the legal intervention be because of major issues going on not relating to me directly but to the neighborhood as a whole (I just happen to be living next door) ~ the law has to have probable cause if that makes any sense. There have been some things transpire that may change the course of action which do involve me somewhat with a touch of alliance ~ it should with normal people who respect their right to live in a free society.

» left by Rev. Dr. Ed Golden from Blue Springs, MO 2 years 295 days ago.
Hi Steve, thanks for bringing up a very crucial topic. My experience has shown me that most parents who are having problems raising children don't understand the difference between discipline, a process which teaches the child a healthy way to respond to issues, and punishment, which is what the immature parent does to soothe their own fragile egos because one of the children dared to violate their strict "my way or the highway" method of keeping what they mistakenly consider "control". I see parents all the time trying to force the child to comply. If anyone thinks this works, try it the next time your two month old gets diarrhea. As a former clinical director of a adolescent CSTAR program, when I met the parents, it wasn't hard to see why the child was having problems. I believe that what a lot of people know about parenting, was what they learned from their parents, and unfortunately, that wasn't always so good. I teach a 4 hour class for family court called FOCIS, which is Focus On Children IN Separation. The course is designed to help parents remember that the children are grieving too, but in a different way. It always makes me wonder how so many people, who have never been divorced before with these children in their lives, and they are sure the kids are okay. Great article Steve. Blessings, Rev. Dr. Ed Golden, Blue Springs, MO
» left by Steve Kovacs 2 years 294 days ago.
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Great way of breaking down real discipline: teaching “a healthy way to respond to issues”, OUTSTANDING.  Thanks Ed for offering an experienced answer to what real good discipline is, or should be.  And how true about when you see the parents very often you know why the kids are having issues.  Sometimes it is so obvious.  I supose many teachers of children see that often.  Thanks for reading and writing.

» left by Michael S. Garvin
from Boca Raton 2 years 294 days ago.
In a way, I think that we are all teenagers. We live and always hope our dreams come true. If we don't, then it is time to go to the next world.
» left by Steve Kovacs 2 years 294 days ago.
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I agree, I still hope for my dreams to come true!  And I wish I was still a teenager, I wouldn't have to watch my hair fall out.......thanks for writing.
» left by Susan Thom
 2 years 294 days ago.
179 fans.
hi steve,
 
my kids are 18, 22, and 24 almost.
 
i was the house everyone came to with a lake to go down to the dock or go fishing, swimming, skating. so i have dealt with many, many teens.
 
my 18 year old told me that he is surprised at the volume of heroin coming into the school. i talk to these kids, for years, and try to guide them as far as the use of substances is concerned, being in recovery myself.
 
we all need some way to let out our frustrations, but as i tell the kids, take a walk, go sit on the dock and talk and watch the water, go shopping or window shopping, go bowling ot out to eat at a nice restaurant, drugs and alcohol don't have to be the only option.
 
of course, some listen, some do not, and the ones who didn't, are in rehabs.
 
with all the fear i have for my son in the air force, and my daughter going into the army in october, i am glad they are where they are monitored and can't spend their time and money on some very dangerous substances.
 
thanks for sharing,
 
my best,
 
sue
» left by Steve Kovacs 2 years 294 days ago.
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It’s funny, sometimes the military lifestyle of purpose, direction, and accountable responsibilities keep some in line, productive and a “good” citizen.  Sometimes when they get out, they have issues.  Interesting.  Heroin seems to be everywhere lately—the usual urban areas where it traditionally was, is not the case anymore.  Bad thing, many addicts are being made.  See it in my work and in teaching about drug abuse in criminal justice/college courses.  Anyway how lucky those kids were to hear your messages of other options.  How true.  Thanks for writing Sue.

» left by Brianna Popsickle
 2 years 294 days ago.
I couldn't agree more Steve.  Kids do need and want discipline.  Teens desperately need and want guidance and direction in their life. More than anything else, they need to know someone cares enough to take the time to discipline and advise them. They need to know their actions have consequences that affect not only themselves, but the people that love them as well. Another great article. 
» left by Steve Kovacs 2 years 294 days ago.
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Hi Brianna,

 

I liked how you said “take the time to discipline and ADVISE them”—thanks for your positive feedback, I appreciate it!

 

 

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