Friendship—Don’t Hide If You’ve Been Hurt—How to Be Yourself and Find Friends
Posted: Sunday, March 07, 2010
by Steve Kovacs
The Kovacs Perspective
What is friendship? Is it something we truly need? Is it something that really matters or is it just about using someone and being used? Well, the fact of the matter is we do not need friends. We can survive without them. We can go to work and make the money needed for our survival without friends in the mix. In fact, some people have made the decision to live alone in mountains, jungles, forests or other desolate areas simply because they did not want to be around people. They survive and many live to a ripe old age.
Many people who have retreated to the far corners of the globe say they have been hurt or "burnt" by people and they no longer want anything to do with them. Who hasn't been dropped, denied, left out, or lied to, in their lives. Who has not heard from an old friend to find out that all along the real reason they called was to get something from you? True friendship is having friends call you just to pass the time or to hang out rather than having some hidden agenda.
When experiencing these negatives you should realize you are human and something like this would eventually happen to you and to everyone else. Instead of closing up and trying to be stronger or better so you don't get hurt again, how about being more of your real self. How about realizing that no matter what someone may have done to you in the past that you are worthy and ready for real friendship.
Instead of closing up, open up even more. Be yourself, make mistakes, and be your flawed self. Unbeknownst to many, people like flawed people. That's because we are all flawed. We all cry, make mistakes, fall, and make fools of ourselves. People who look down on you for those things are not going to be good friends anyway. They would be a nuisance in your life. When good people see you with all your humanness, they feel comfortable with you.
Really being yourself, you will soon be surprised that you will have one, two, or even more people sharing themselves and their flaws with you. Understanding that being what you really are is always good enough and not holding that back is the first step in gaining friendship. Accepting the other person in the same manner is the second. The rest just falls into place.
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Top-level comments on this article: (8 total)Hi Steve,really good and thoughtful article on family and friends,i have got to say,i went through a really bad patch with my health a while ago,and i got to understand who really were my close family(people who actually helped out and gave me support) thanks for writing this article.You're welcome and thanks for taking the time to write.
Good stuff here, Steve. I hd never really taken an indepth look at friendship before.Thank you.Hi Ken and thanks for the words.
How wonderful that you understand the true meaning of friendship. sadly, many do not. Looking for friends is like searching for gold- sometimes you find a big nugget that is valuable enough to carry you through the rest of your life.- Great article Steve. I enjoyed reading it.- Always-EllaGreat comparison about gold...thanks for writing Ella.
Those closest to you have the power to hurt you the most, but if we avoid getting close to avoid being hurt we'd live a pretty lonely life. I'm not perfect and neither are my friends, but we seem to bring out the best in each other. The benefits of friendship far outweigh the risk of being hurt. Very thoughtful article Steve.Thanks Brianna!
Well thought out article. I take the term friend very seriously and count very few as you defined in the article. Keep up the good work my friend.Thanks Dave!
Great article, sir. Friends are diamonds (although not as over-priced!) in the rough, and should be cherished. Thanks for sharing this.Good analogy Mike, thanks.
I agree with Fran some friends are friends in passing and some are forever but we learn something from them all. Being true to ourselves is probably one of the harder lessons in life but one of the most rewarding. Good article, thanks for sharing.I agree with you about being true to ourselves--I wonder why we are so afraid of it sometimes.
Hi Steve great article- I have more friends than you can ever imagine from around where I live which runs into hundreds (honest), and yet I always class myself as my own best friendKeep wellKacyHi Kacy--thanks and I believe you do have that many friends--you seem to be bubbly, fun, open, and pretty secure in yourself--all good things people like. I think anyone who can be their own best friend is a lucky soul!Be well...
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