Why People Divorce-The Main Two Reasons for Divorce & Surprising Divorce Statistics
Posted: Thursday, August 12, 2010
by Steve Kovacs
The Kovacs Perspective
I recently interviewed an expert who had authored a book on the subject of divorce. In doing research for the interview, I came across statistics that were surprising and in some cases, down right shocking to me. I think most of us have heard that about 50% of married couples in the US end up getting divorced. Quite a high amount but not shocking for most of us. These numbers are still pretty much the case today give or take a few percentage points either way as years come and go. So, it is a fact that about 50% of married couples in America will divorce. However, did you know that about 60-67% of second marriages end in divorce. And a shocking statistic, at least to me, is that people who marry a the third time, end up divorcing 70-73 % of the time. I always heard that the third time was the "charm", I guess not!
I'm not sure what these statistics mean for famous CNN talk show host Larry King who has been married eight times to seven women. I did some calculations and as close as I can figure his present marriage should last six-months and four days; of course I'm just kidding and I wish him a long and happy 8th. But the fact of the matter is that divorce is quite prevalent in the US and the main cause of it is surprising to me. According to the website Love To Know.com, Americans are not the only ones divorcing at high rates. Here are some global statistics from them:
In Canada, 45% of marriages end in divorce
In France, 43% of marriages end in divorce.
In Israel, 26% of marriages end in divorce.
In Greece, 18% of marriages end in divorce.
In Italy, 12% of marriages end in divorce.
Statistics and divorce experts say that in America, financial problems are the biggest reason for divorce. What's number two? The wandering eye syndrome, otherwise known as infidelity. Is the high rate of divorce a sign of our times? A time of disposable everything and a time of immediate gratification? Or is it a good thing people are getting out of abusive or unfulfilling relationships. I am not sure, however, I do know that divorce leaves casualties. Children get hurt in the mix. Men and women's emotions are twisted and turned and talking about finances . . .they too take a pounding.
My guess, a guess of an observer, not an expert by any stretch of the imagination is that the high divorce percentage in the US and other parts of the world has to do with a deeper personal lack of contentment inside ourselves. Gaps that people think someone else can fill for them. Rarely can others fill a personal need for us, we have to do it ourselves. Others can help us along but they cannot be the answer to our deeper inner needs.
I wonder if we were all content and secure in ourselves if we would divorce as much as we do now? My guess is no, but then again, maybe we simply wouldn't marry as much and then what would all those divorce attorneys do!
In Canada, 45% of marriages end in divorce
In France, 43% of marriages end in divorce.
In Israel, 26% of marriages end in divorce.
In Greece, 18% of marriages end in divorce.
In Italy, 12% of marriages end in divorce.
Statistics and divorce experts say that in America, financial problems are the biggest reason for divorce. What's number two? The wandering eye syndrome, otherwise known as infidelity. Is the high rate of divorce a sign of our times? A time of disposable everything and a time of immediate gratification? Or is it a good thing people are getting out of abusive or unfulfilling relationships. I am not sure, however, I do know that divorce leaves casualties. Children get hurt in the mix. Men and women's emotions are twisted and turned and talking about finances . . .they too take a pounding.
My guess, a guess of an observer, not an expert by any stretch of the imagination is that the high divorce percentage in the US and other parts of the world has to do with a deeper personal lack of contentment inside ourselves. Gaps that people think someone else can fill for them. Rarely can others fill a personal need for us, we have to do it ourselves. Others can help us along but they cannot be the answer to our deeper inner needs.
I wonder if we were all content and secure in ourselves if we would divorce as much as we do now? My guess is no, but then again, maybe we simply wouldn't marry as much and then what would all those divorce attorneys do!
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Top-level comments on this article: (9 total)Those are some scary statistics! Maybe we here in the US have come to the point where everything is now disposable, including relationships.GraceHi Grace--yeah, it makes us wonder about that doesn't it? Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment.Steve
I think you make a good point Steve about being content within ourselves and not relying on another person to make us happy. Also women today have careers of their own and are often financially independent which means they no longer stay in an unhappy relationship for financial reasons. I wonder what the reason is for a lower percentage of divorce in Italy and Greece. It would be interesting to know. It wouldn't surprise me if it's because it's more acceptable there to have a mistress or lover outside of the marriage? Just wondering?Hi Brianna-- I think it's pasta and gyro meat!! Seriously, I wonder if it is the mistress thing--I didn't know that. Someone needs to look into that! Thanks for writing.SteveI don't know that either Steve. Just wondering. :)I talked to a Greek friend of mine who said a reason for the lower rates is the family giving a dowry for the right to marry their offspring--he said it's actually illegal now but still done all the time and it's called a gift now, but if you divorce, you lose the "gift"!
Informative and well-written article Steve.Personally I think people are too quick to marry in the first place. Having a piece of paper and a person who has been deemed to be the 'legal' person to pronounce a couple married is unnecessary to begin with. I know I am stepping on a whole lot of toes here but that's how I feel about it. Sorry but vows between two people who love each other are all that is necessary as far as I am concerned. When whatever is to be learned and shared between the two is fulfilled then say 'adios.' Now where children are concerned it is a different matter obviously but even then all it requires is the fathers name on the birth certificate. This doesn't require a judge or an attorney. The 'born out of wedlock' thing is old dogma.Divorce, regardless the reason, comes about when there is nothing left for one or both to learn but because we are taught to 'hang in there' we will run each other and our children through the grist mill before finally capitulating to divorce and making a whole lot of attorneys wealthy.Again stepping on toes... I think the divorce rate going up is a sign of a good thing not bad.Now... if we all can grow up, act mature and accept 'endings' we will really be getting somewhere.BlessingsWow--what a unique viewpoint but one that I find myself agreeing with almost completely. I get amazed on a regular basis with the level of intelligence coupled with common sense for SearchWarp authors. Again, to me Goshwin, this was a mind expanding comment--and God knows I probably need some mind expanding. Thanks.Steve
Thanks Steve.Thank you E--keep well and content...
Everybody thinks of love and marriage as a fairy tale. They find who they think is their ideal mate, fall in love, and think they will live in ecstasy forever after. When the sex and passion die down they suddenly realize that their ideal mates have irritating habits. Instead of taking the time to work out what is annoying they take the easy road and do something which is irritating to much of society; keep lawyers rich and get a divorce. A few times my parents almost came to that point of no return. But like anything else in life, if someone wants any thing good they work at it. My parents did and at the end the reward of love was well worth it.Real love probably is worth it my friend--thanks Mike.Steve
I enjoyed your comment on Larry King! I know I'm being v. judgmental but somebody who gets married 8 times is surely not looking at the problem, and any woman who marries him has to have her head buried in the sand!Or buried in his wallet!Thanks Jennifer
Hi Steve, I have been facilitating court ordered classes for over 14 years for couples with custodial children getting a divorce. I think there may be a number of reasons why people divorce. Some of which are that many people have been parented in a way that they grow up with unreasonable and fantastic ideas about what marriage is and isn't. A lack of maturity and inability to communicate honestly are in there too. One thing that I see many people in divorce classes for is that one of the spouses suffers from either depression or bi-polar disorder and they simply get worn out with all the drama or lack of initmacy. By intimacy I am not talking about sexual intimacy, but rather an inability to have a real empathetic heart connection. People have children before they are prepared to be parents, or get married because children are on the way. The marriages that seem to weather all the financial, emotional, familial, or socio-cultural challenges are those in which both people have dreams that they share and build on together, and don't have so much co-dependency in their relationship that they can't take responsibility for their own feelings of failure and unhappiness. Couples who build a healthy marriage have to learn to fight fair, and not be afraid of alientation of affection just because they are angry with their relationship. By setting healthy boundaries, people don't get their feelings hurt too much that they stop communicating with their mate. I tell my participants that divorce is likely to cause more problems than it will solve. Yes, they are all casualties, and it not just the children, although the children do suffer a lot, and are not even being considered in the divorce. My preference would be that people would have to attend a divorce education class prior to obtaining a marriage license. Just my thoughts. Blessings, DocThanks Doc, obviously you are an expert in this area where I'm certainly not. Thanks for putting a professional touch to the article--I appreciate your fine input.Steve
I think that the problem may lie in the fact that the institution of marriage, as we know it, has just plain worn out- the contract and expectations of it are archaic and outmoded for today's society. A complete overhaul must be made I think- one more suitable to the new way of thinking nowadays...... well, my opinion- for what it's worth.... Good article Steve- Thanks- Always- Ella
Hi Ella, Thank you---I am cerainly not an expert in this field; I'm conveying experts info and my non-expert opinion. You may be right but I somehow think its just people losing their way inside themselves, but then again maybe like most things, we do need to evolve...
Steve
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