Why People Lie-Politicians Ruining Our Country, Wall Street Lies & Greed, Relationships & Lies
Posted: Friday, August 27, 2010
by Steve Kovacs
The Kovacs Perspective
Do you lie? Do you lie a lot? On the other hand, maybe you are like the people who rarely lie, doing so mostly to simply not make waves; like telling someone that his or her clothing is great, when it really looks horrible. Psychologists have many reasons for why people lie, so many in fact; it can boggle a nonprofessional's mind. I'm sure when experts crystallize the reasons for lying there are truly many reasons and official names for particular lying behavior. In my nonprofessional's eyes, I see the average persons lying as much simpler.
As an example, politicians lie because they want to be elected. There may be a medical name or condition for it but I just call it trying to be elected. A man who wants to bed a woman may tell a lie or two as well. I call this a man wanting to have sex with someone who physically attracts him and again, there may be a name for this syndrome, but I call it a man wanting something and saying whatever it takes to get it.
Similarly, a businessperson, be it a car salesperson or a manufacturer may lie to get you to buy their product. How about Wall Street big shots: why do they lie? They lie because they want more of what others can give them. What do all these folks have in common? They are all people telling lies because they want something and will trick you to get it. Sounds benign and not that bad doesn't it. Yes it does, however, it is not that simple. Are there consequences to these lies? Of course there are. As an example, a politician lying can and does cause major repercussions. When we elect them and find they are not who they seemed to be and they are not doing what they said they would, we are in trouble. We all know what that is like in present day America !
How about the man who lies to have sex with a woman; what's really wrong with that, it's done all the time and it's innocent enough . . . isn't it? It is not innocent at all. Did he lie about his health possibly? If so, the woman could become infected with a venereal disease, which could last the rest of her life. What if he attested to his love or at least his "like" for her but after the act, he treats her like dirt, which can be a major consequence for the female. How about the car sales representative or the manufacturer who lies to the consumer? Well, it can cause us to buy inferior products, lose our hard-earned money needlessly, and be suspicious of other merchants.
We have another class of liar. The men and women who "white" lie daily. They lie to their girlfriend, boyfriend, friends, co-workers, husbands, wives and they do it on a regular basis. They lie about what they have done in their past, what they may be doing in the present, how accomplished they may be or their inner feelings about important topics. These liars tell people what they think others will want to hear. They do it to be liked, or to get what they want in an interpersonal relationship. Does this kind of lying have consequences? Yes, it does, and just as bad as the others mentioned. The consequence with this kind of lying is that after a few lies, people simply cannot trust the liar. If this happens to be a co-worker, girl friend, husband, or wife it can take its toll. Not being able to trust people in your close circle is terrible and makes for an uncomfortable or unbearable relationship. Not knowing someone you thought you knew is uncomfortable to say the least and not knowing when the next lie is coming can end friendships, relationships and cause friction at work.
Lying always has negative consequences and in my view, all stems from insecurity. The merchant does not have enough faith in his or her product or ability to sell it. The man in the bar does not have enough faith in himself to tell the truth to be able to find someone to have sexual relations with. The politician does not have faith in himself to get elected by what he has to offer. The Wall Street big shot cannot sustain his greed without making "stuff" up. The co-worker, girlfriend, or neighbor that tells tall tales regularly does not feel "good enough" about himself or herself to tell the truth.
I grew up in an environment surrounded by liars, in fact, world-class liars, some of whom ended up spending much time in prison. Having been around these "professional liars" as a young man, I made a conscious decision to tell the truth about my life and myself. I figured I was as good as anyone else and I would say what was accurate regarding my life and me. I did not really do it for moral reasons or a religious type reason. I did it because it was the right thing to do-the right thing to do for myself and for others. I have rarely regretted it even during the times I have been let down by being lied to myself. I was able to do well without bamboozling people and I am proud of myself for being a "man". Can you imagine how much better off this country would be if our politicians would not lie to us on a regular basis? Can you imagine how much better all our human contacts would be?
It is not hard to tell the truth. In fact, it couldn't be easier. Be yourself, be what you are, and tell it like it really is. Tell the truth, or put differently, be accurate in your human communications. If someone does not like you or does not want what you may have to offer, say goodbye and go elsewhere. In addition, if you do not succeed when telling the truth you will at least know the real reason for your failure. Then, you can honestly re-tool yourself if appropriate. Living in the truth is so much easier, if you are struggling with it . . . take the plunge, you'll love it.
Similarly, a businessperson, be it a car salesperson or a manufacturer may lie to get you to buy their product. How about Wall Street big shots: why do they lie? They lie because they want more of what others can give them. What do all these folks have in common? They are all people telling lies because they want something and will trick you to get it. Sounds benign and not that bad doesn't it. Yes it does, however, it is not that simple. Are there consequences to these lies? Of course there are. As an example, a politician lying can and does cause major repercussions. When we elect them and find they are not who they seemed to be and they are not doing what they said they would, we are in trouble. We all know what that is like in present day America !
How about the man who lies to have sex with a woman; what's really wrong with that, it's done all the time and it's innocent enough . . . isn't it? It is not innocent at all. Did he lie about his health possibly? If so, the woman could become infected with a venereal disease, which could last the rest of her life. What if he attested to his love or at least his "like" for her but after the act, he treats her like dirt, which can be a major consequence for the female. How about the car sales representative or the manufacturer who lies to the consumer? Well, it can cause us to buy inferior products, lose our hard-earned money needlessly, and be suspicious of other merchants.
We have another class of liar. The men and women who "white" lie daily. They lie to their girlfriend, boyfriend, friends, co-workers, husbands, wives and they do it on a regular basis. They lie about what they have done in their past, what they may be doing in the present, how accomplished they may be or their inner feelings about important topics. These liars tell people what they think others will want to hear. They do it to be liked, or to get what they want in an interpersonal relationship. Does this kind of lying have consequences? Yes, it does, and just as bad as the others mentioned. The consequence with this kind of lying is that after a few lies, people simply cannot trust the liar. If this happens to be a co-worker, girl friend, husband, or wife it can take its toll. Not being able to trust people in your close circle is terrible and makes for an uncomfortable or unbearable relationship. Not knowing someone you thought you knew is uncomfortable to say the least and not knowing when the next lie is coming can end friendships, relationships and cause friction at work.
Lying always has negative consequences and in my view, all stems from insecurity. The merchant does not have enough faith in his or her product or ability to sell it. The man in the bar does not have enough faith in himself to tell the truth to be able to find someone to have sexual relations with. The politician does not have faith in himself to get elected by what he has to offer. The Wall Street big shot cannot sustain his greed without making "stuff" up. The co-worker, girlfriend, or neighbor that tells tall tales regularly does not feel "good enough" about himself or herself to tell the truth.
I grew up in an environment surrounded by liars, in fact, world-class liars, some of whom ended up spending much time in prison. Having been around these "professional liars" as a young man, I made a conscious decision to tell the truth about my life and myself. I figured I was as good as anyone else and I would say what was accurate regarding my life and me. I did not really do it for moral reasons or a religious type reason. I did it because it was the right thing to do-the right thing to do for myself and for others. I have rarely regretted it even during the times I have been let down by being lied to myself. I was able to do well without bamboozling people and I am proud of myself for being a "man". Can you imagine how much better off this country would be if our politicians would not lie to us on a regular basis? Can you imagine how much better all our human contacts would be?
It is not hard to tell the truth. In fact, it couldn't be easier. Be yourself, be what you are, and tell it like it really is. Tell the truth, or put differently, be accurate in your human communications. If someone does not like you or does not want what you may have to offer, say goodbye and go elsewhere. In addition, if you do not succeed when telling the truth you will at least know the real reason for your failure. Then, you can honestly re-tool yourself if appropriate. Living in the truth is so much easier, if you are struggling with it . . . take the plunge, you'll love it.
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Top-level comments on this article: (10 total)To tell the truth, this was a great article!Well done E...and thanks.Steve
Truth and honesty are dying qualities. We are seen as fools if we use them. I'll be a fool any day. Great article.GraceHi Grace,Yeah, they are dying qualities in many circles but to most people, even if they don't see or admit it, admire people who stand up and tell the truth about themselves whether good, bad or weak. Thanks ....
That was interesting Steve- I think lying is probably an inherent human trait! Everybody lies to some degree- at some point in their life- But some carry it to the extreme of sickness, and lie when the truth would suit them better. Remember that old adage- - " He had rather climb up a tree to tell a lie than stand on the ground and tell the truth." I've met people like that- LOL- Thanks - Always- EllaEveryone lies a tad. No one that I know of is perfect. But there is that difference in constant lying that crosses the line in human communication and relationships. And then of course there are the sick liars...that's another article for someone else who has more education in psychology than me. And a funny line you wrote at the end! Thanks for writing my friend.Steve
Good for you, Steve. I grew up with people who weren't malicious liars, but were afraid to face painful truths. Still, it drove me absolutely crazy as a child, I couldn't understand. It still drives me crazy, but I'm more understanding now, especially since I know how easy it is to not know what my truth is sometimes.Thanks--lying can do just that--drive you kinda nuts. I don't let it bother me anymore other than if it's someone close to me. I' m not sure what you mean about not knowing your truth--I bet you know your truth 100%--just let it come out--the truth does that without effort.Thanks for writing Jennifer,Steve
There's a real skill involved with effective lying. I've known a couple of good liars and it's frightening to see just how easy it came to them and how they could manipulate people. Yes Steve, the world would be much better off without liars. But there are those who will take that to the extreme and make it an excuse to be brutally honest, which can be just as hurtful in some cases. Interestingt article.To be brutally honest is bad and I hope I didn't convey that as being good--not at all-I meant the continuous lies or the biggies!Thanks Brianna
Excellent points Mr Kovacs. I don't believe, I could be mistaken, that I did not see reference to one of the most important of all lies, and that is to lie to ourselves. Most people lie to themselves about one thing or the other that eventually that lie becomes part of their fabric and nature and almost ceases to be a lie at all, until faced with personal adversity. These are the lies of self, and generally manifest in ways that lead to psychological conflict at least and psychosis or mania. It has been said that everybody lies, the only question is to what degree or manner. Thanks for the great article.Outstanding point Dave! Didn't even think about the lies to ourselves and how they can get out of hand. What a great addition to this article...thanks.Steve
Lying can be very dangerous, especially when someone gets caught. A guy can come home one night and wonder why his wife hits him over the head with a flower vase. After shaking out the cobwebs and pieces of broken porcelain from the top of his head he puts two and two together and come up with the answer. His wife probably found out that he was out all night partying instead of working as he told her, a few nights ago. It will probably take a lot of flowers and ice to mend the damage from the lie. In my business, it would be dangerous not to lie. After I get done singing to an ugly woman at Macaroni Grill, and instead of lying by telling her that her beauty inspired my Frank Sinatra love ballad,and told her the truth that she is really homely but I sang to her to get a good tip, then I probably would get a porcelain pot broken over my head, no tip, and most likely fired for telling the truth. But, in reality, someone who has a beautiful heart and likes my singing voice is beautiful to me no matter what she looks like. Lying to help people feel good about themselves may be considered innocuous. Lying to cover up a misdeed one committed is definitely may merit the porcelain vase. But the most horrifying lie is the big lie, such as that preached by Hitler. Millions died because some guileless leaders believed smiling German ambassadors that Germany wished only peace. It makes a person wonder if Iranians only wish to use nuclear material for peaceful purposes or is that the Big Lie and billions will die after they launch a nuclear missile at Israel or the U.S.Hi Mike--good stories about getting smacked by a vase--interesting point about Iran and nuclear missiles too--I'm glad I'm not the one in on the decision making on the Iran possibilities.
Dare we to hope? Maybe with each other but the politicians? Thanks for a very insightful article, Steve.Hi Marijo--the scary thing is that WE are the politicians. More of the better "we's" have to start running for office! Thanks for writing...Not that's a really scary thought.....
Great article, sir. Truth is best, and although sometimes it might hurt - the alternative is too horrendous to contemplate.Yes, I agree Mike--thanks fr the comment.Steve
I couldn't agree more with this article I'd rather someone be upfront and truthful with me so I know where I stand. Yes sometimes the truth hurts but you have to deal with it.
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