How to be Talented, How to be a Natural, It’s Right There in Someone Else’s Hand

I have been around for over 50 years and most of what I have positively accomplished in this life was with the help of someone else. Anything I have done good in, whether in athletics, employment or in human relations has been directly or indirectly brought upon with the help of others. Alone, I would not have accomplished much of anything in anything.

Initially, my mother was the one who stood by me when I knew I just couldn't excel at martial arts when all around me so many were very good in our "family business" of Karate, Judo, Jiu-Jitsu and Savate. She took much time and effort to talk about the ways to be good at something. She explained that hard work, study, determination and a positive attitude could get me what I wanted. While trying to do well, I dealt with some terrible teachers who cared more about their egos than helping students and who said things such as I'll never be very good. Looks from teachers that conveyed their thoughts that I will never be as good as my other family members and looks of "he just doesn't have it" were all too common. I fell often, falling off the path to accomplishment. I could have taken the seemingly easy road, the road of hiding from life by abusing drugs and alcohol or engaging in some other negative behavior. However, she kept on my side and helped me to understand the steps to success. She didn't force it mind you; she was just there when I needed her. After a while, I became good. So good in fact that people would stare at me in amazement in how much "talent"' I had. I knew it was not talent; it was blood, sweat and tears. Without her in my corner, unquestionably, I would not have had all that supposed talent.

I have been a manager and business leader in several capacities and have been called a natural leader. Natural leader indicating that it is in my blood, genetics, or it's simply in my make-up, more so than the average leader. This is not true. I had the good fortune of attending a seminar where something had a huge impact on my life regarding managing and leadership. The person conducting the seminar was a retired instructor for the FBI by the name of Richard Ayers. I was a young police supervisor at the time who was an okay boss, but just okay. I did my job and did it pretty well. Then one day I ended up at this two-day training seminar where Mr. Ayers was teaching the finer points of leadership and management. I had been told he was a world-class teacher and the class was going to be outstanding.

During the first day, I really disliked him and his style of teaching and thought him to be arrogant. He was funny though, so much so that he should have had his own television comedy show. However, I didn't like some of what he said and how he said it. He seemed so cocky or was it just that he was joking around? I wasn't sure, but after the first half of the first day, I was sure I couldn't stand him. Going to lunch with a co-worker, I remember telling him, " I can't stand this guy!"

After lunch, I settled into my seat to listen to what I figured to be two days of this comedian who thought he knew it all. However, when I settled in, he now seemed serious and deeply passionate and started putting things together. He showed us that he had a great care for people and respect for the responsibility managers have in the scheme of things. He explained that a good boss really cares for his or her people. But the few words that literally changed me forever were not spectacular words to most people. Many people have uttered the words for years. But to me, and the way he explained them and also that everything in management and leadership stems from them, made the difference for me. The four words were "do the right thing".

I suspect those words did not mean much to many students that day but for me it was literally as if someone turned a light bulb on in my head. I'll never forget how I felt when the words sunk in. I had heard the words as a kid but I had glossed over them. I thought, nobody really believed in that nonsense! They are just words sputtered by politicians and people to make them sound special. However, the way he explained the utter importance of doing the right thing and it being the cornerstone of all human relations made me understand deep down inside its truth. It was as if I always knew it deep inside but somehow never really had faith in its reality. After that day, I literally became a changed man and excelled as a supervisor. I competed in leadership assessment trials for promotions. And in one particular eight-hour assessment competition given by Kent State University, I came out on top by a wide margin. I competed against vastly more experienced leaders, some with masters and doctorate degrees when I did not have a degree . People looked at me and said how talented I was, that I must be a natural. But again, I knew better. My talent was nothing more than being helped by Mr. Ayers and others who cared enough to show me the way. Without them, I would not have excelled.

Just recently I've been told by several people who I respect greatly that I was a natural teacher and just yesterday that I'm a natural communicator. Usually, I just thank people for such nice compliments and let it go. This time however, I had to tell them that I'm not a natural at all. That I have been fortunate to have been looked directly in the eye by many people and helped to find my potential in areas that I have great desire in. I went on and said that anyone can do what I have accomplished, that I am not a natural or specially talented individual. I explained that I have been helped to understand some "truths" in life.

Knowing these truths helps me to excel at teaching as I have never met an individual who could not be an accomplished martial artist. I know martial arts teachers who look at some students and think or say that they really will never be very good. I have never met that student who could not be accomplished and have helped many along the way. I also have never met a student who could not excel in his college studies . The human mind has phenomenal potential that when tapped can make us all "talented and a natural". I suppose knowing this is a reason I do not want to stop teaching. It comes, and pardon my words, naturally now for me to want to help others understand the truths that I was fortunate enough to have been shown.

Do I think that we can get very good at anything in life. Yes, probably, but I am the worst handyman in the world--I am an embarrassment to manhood when it comes to working with my hands but I don't worry about it. I'm happy with what I am good at and laugh at myself with the stuff I am bad at.

It is disheartening when you know that every person has so much potential and that so many people are not being helped, will never be helped, and are almost doomed to just getting by, when they too have so much "talent". With help from others, the sky is the limit. And to those who make a difference in people's lives, I say outstanding! To those who have been helped by people as I have…aren't we lucky as hell!