Depression and Christmas-Suicide and Christmas-Hope During the Holidays
Posted: Sunday, December 19, 2010
by Steve Kovacs
The Kovacs Perspective
For some people, Christmas and depression go hand in hand like soup and a sandwich. They seem to go together. How can a time of so much joy and happiness for so many cause fear, loneliness, and dark depression for many others. So much so in fact, that in the United States, December has a higher suicide rate than any other month.
I think common sense tells us that if you have a loving support system of family and friends Christmas can be a joyous time. But what if you don’t have that support system? No family left, no friends to speak of, what then? When this occurs around Christmas time people lacking in these areas who watch television or listen to the radio or overhear co-workers hear nothing but the talk of the joys of the upcoming holiday. They realize they will not have that love, camaraderie, gift sharing, and a feeling of togetherness that many if not most will experience. And again, common sense tells us that this can fuel sadness and depression. Feeling disconnected with the holidays can easily lead to a mild to moderate depression.
I believe when someone is getting overwhelmed by holiday sadness, the most important thing they can do is to tell someone. It is the smart thing to do. To tell others you feel alone this season, that you may have had a recent divorce, death in the family, or things simply are not going your way right now, is the key to feeling relieved somewhat. You would be amazed how caring people can be when someone tells them they are not doing well. From rich to poor, from average to special, generally, all types of people seem to try and help others when someone sincerely tells them of their emotional lack.
Those people who may feel like a loser because their life is not going well right now, should not feel despair. A great example of a fact of life worth noting is what some of the conquering generals in the days of the Roman conquests would do. After defeating a country the conquering general would ride triumphantly into the vanquished city with his army and loot surrounding him. As he rode through the city the crowds would cheer the general, mostly out of fear. However, at that time the conquering general was the top man, the hero, the king. He was on top of the world at that moment. However, many generals did something very wise in their moment of triumph. Some would have a conquered slave stand behind him continually whispering this in his ear: all fame is fleeting . . . all fame is fleeting. And it is. Being on top of the world does not last and neither does being on the bottom. If someone feels low this season, so be it. Talk to people, be honest with your present lot. Know that next year and the year after may very well bring you all the love and joy you can handle.
On the other hand, if you are prone to depression or feel completely overwhelmed call a depression hotline or seek professional help. Clinical depression is a serious illness that calls for serious solutions that are available for us all. Seek that help if you are in need. I have not met the always perfect, always strong, always healthy human, as of yet. We all have issues of some sort and what makes the world good is that there are a multitude of people and professionals who can and will help us.
No matter who you are, what color you are, what political persuasion you happen to be, you are a human being as good and worthy as anyone. Believe that of yourself and share your real self with others. It is just a matter of time you can be content and on top of your world again and the spirit of Christmas will be your friend once again.
I think common sense tells us that if you have a loving support system of family and friends Christmas can be a joyous time. But what if you don’t have that support system? No family left, no friends to speak of, what then? When this occurs around Christmas time people lacking in these areas who watch television or listen to the radio or overhear co-workers hear nothing but the talk of the joys of the upcoming holiday. They realize they will not have that love, camaraderie, gift sharing, and a feeling of togetherness that many if not most will experience. And again, common sense tells us that this can fuel sadness and depression. Feeling disconnected with the holidays can easily lead to a mild to moderate depression.
Those people who may feel like a loser because their life is not going well right now, should not feel despair. A great example of a fact of life worth noting is what some of the conquering generals in the days of the Roman conquests would do. After defeating a country the conquering general would ride triumphantly into the vanquished city with his army and loot surrounding him. As he rode through the city the crowds would cheer the general, mostly out of fear. However, at that time the conquering general was the top man, the hero, the king. He was on top of the world at that moment. However, many generals did something very wise in their moment of triumph. Some would have a conquered slave stand behind him continually whispering this in his ear: all fame is fleeting . . . all fame is fleeting. And it is. Being on top of the world does not last and neither does being on the bottom. If someone feels low this season, so be it. Talk to people, be honest with your present lot. Know that next year and the year after may very well bring you all the love and joy you can handle.
On the other hand, if you are prone to depression or feel completely overwhelmed call a depression hotline or seek professional help. Clinical depression is a serious illness that calls for serious solutions that are available for us all. Seek that help if you are in need. I have not met the always perfect, always strong, always healthy human, as of yet. We all have issues of some sort and what makes the world good is that there are a multitude of people and professionals who can and will help us.
No matter who you are, what color you are, what political persuasion you happen to be, you are a human being as good and worthy as anyone. Believe that of yourself and share your real self with others. It is just a matter of time you can be content and on top of your world again and the spirit of Christmas will be your friend once again.
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Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)Steve, your article is like a beacon of light. I'm having an absolutely awful time this year. There's so much pressure to be happy and I end up feeling ashamed of myself. You've reminded me that I don't need to be. Thank you my friend.I don't dislike anything more than the pressure at times, so to speak of : you must be this or that or feel happy, joyious, positive etc. The you SHOULD be this etc etc. You and I both know when we are happy and why we may not be fitting that bill right now. It's okay to be down and not on top of the happy heap. I'll bet you even Santa has a bad Christmas every now and then. The next time I see the fat little guy I'll ask em. Nevertheless, I'll be thinking of you my friend from South Africa come this Christmas.
Wonderful words of encouragement Steve, at a well placed time of the year. Here's hoping you and yours have a wonderful Christmas and a happy new year.Hi Dave
Thank you Dave and I wish the best for you and yours this holiday time and throughout the next year as well. Merry Christmas!
Steve
A great article Steve. I met a woman recently while waiting in the dentist's office who has six children but will be alone at Christmas because of family conflict. She said, "I'll be spending Christmas alone, but I won't shed a tear." I wasn't convinced of that, she was almost crying telling me about it. It's a very sad time of year for many. I feel for those alone but I also feel for those who, even though they are surrounded by family and friends, are depressed and suffer in silence, with no one every knowing how they're feeling. They suffer depression and guilt for being depressed for no good reason. Depression is an illness and too many suffer in silence. Depression is very misunderstood.Yes Brianna I agree about your comments about depression. Tough illness and hopefully every day shows better and better treatments. As for the woman in the dentists office she was probably crying because she had to deal with 6 kids in the dentists chair--just kidding, I'm sure it will be tough for her this year as it will be for many--we should all lend a hand if we can--makes the world worthwhile when people pull together. Happy holidays Brianna!
Oh yes Steve, your wise message just came in time for this season of the year. I believe many people are down depressed when Christmas is around the corner, their problems are not solved, money insufficient to cover every need......seeing others smiling happily..........this feeling is unbearable.........
We can do as much as possible for the less fortunate because our blessings can be shared. Invite the poor to meals and not the rich.
Wonderful article !
Thank you Hilda. Do as much as possible for the less fortunate its the name of the game....can't really go wrong when we do that....
Steve
As a certified nice-a-holic, I will claim that giving gives me a sense of euphoria that numbs depression and loneliness much like alcohol and drugs, especially during the holidays. But unlike alcohol and drugs there are no harmful side effects other than a smaller bank account. And even that does not need to happen. Giving can mean smiling at a sad looking stranger (except not in a dark alley). It can mean calling a 96 year old aunt, who nobody else wants to talk to. Or it can mean singing a holiday song to somebody to lift the spirits (unless you happen to sing off key.) If you do have the urge to give a gift that costs money do not give something that you cannot afford. A few days ago my friend wanted me to give him my cousin's new bicycle. Being a nice-a-holic, I felt bad by not giving into temptation (as an alcoholic might give into temptation after seeing a glass of gin.) I figured I might feel worse when my cousin would recommend that I go to nice-a-holic's anonymous after kicking me out of his house after I gave his bike away. However, I plan to give my friend a $20 Christmas present to put a down payment on a new bike.Very interesting---I've heard that giving can actually make you feel good. Smiling at someone can mean a lot. Yeah, Mike don't be giving away others stuff to help folks--that's called THEFT! Happy holidays.You know me, I would not steal anything unless you can eat it and it was sweet, but not from a store.Yea I know Mike you're a good guy unless you are messed with--then people should duck....
Talk to someone ? Who are you supposed to talk to ? You HAVE no family or friends . DUH . You think if I walk into some clinic that person is going to CARE ? ALL they will be doing is looking at the clock waiting for 5 . and if they DO talk to you its because they are getting PAID . They will then go home and laugh with their family about the basket case that they talked to that day.You talk to co-workers, people in your apartment building who you see just about everyday, servers at your local coffee shop--your kids friends parents to name some. As for clinics...people who become social workers, doctors and volunteer workers are there to help others--not to laugh at people--they can go work for a comedy club if they want to do that. They give a crap and won't check the clock and laugh at you. In my past line of work I've seen hundreds of people up close go to clinics or psychiatric hospitals for help. Out of hundreds of cases I saw only one social worker who seemed to be close to what you mention--one out of hundreds--people in the help business do it to help. Happy holidays and happy life....I do agree with the "talk to someone?" part. So many articles about this are good, but they get to the part about if you feel down, call someone. The reason you are feeling very depressed and lonely is because you don't have someone that you can call. For me, I have some people I can call on if I feel down, but they are busy and tell me that they can't talk. And then there are some people in my life I would prefer not to talk to.
Also, just talking to someone about your problem (like a co-worker) can be a bad thing. I can bring them down. The vast majority of people you can talk to will not offer any help. I know, because I've been through that.
Volunteering can be a good thing, but I have done that before. To me it was just a temporary fix. I worked very hard and it was depressing what I saw. It left me feeling more depressed and drained.
I guess all I have to say is that at the holiday times, nothing can replace that special people you had shared the holidays with, or replace someone special you would like to have in your life.I disagree. Every example you mention is a negative, or it does not work kind of thing. You mention you may bring people down if you talk to them...what kind of attitude is that? A depressed attitude. And people who tell you they don't have time to hear you are folks you probably should not be chatting with on a close level. And no one should volunteer to find themselves. They should volunteer to help others and if they get better from it--so be it.
I am not suggesting to call people specifically to magically cure your life and cheer you up. That's up to you...with the help of others. In the end, no one can get you going but yourself, however, telling the truth to others gets you out of the self-loathing and self defeating feeling of life is lousy. It is cathartic and most people can give you a boost to lift yourself up and yes...find that special person to share or have in your life--which as you mention and I agree, is the real "cure".
I don't want to be, or sound cold but having a bad time of life will not be cured by talking to others--no, but it is a start to help you to not feel like you are a loser, alone in your dilemma, or alone in having the feeling that no one has empathy for you or your plight--again, others can stir you to find the life that is there waiting for you...good luck and thanks for sharing your views...Isolation always makes things worse.But some of us don't like upsetting others by telling them how we feel.I'm always surprised by people's lack of imagination.If they have several kids etc they don't realise what it's like for those who don't.Still life is not easy for most peopleI agree that isolation does make things worse and I agree some people do not realize how some who are lacking certain things (kids) feel differently. Not everyone is on top of their life to realize the nuances that make some people feel bad during the holidays...nevertheless...Merry Christmas and I hope you have an easy life as the years go by....well said,,everyone looks out for themseves in the end leaving you at the end,most can never deal with the worst of all things,,reactive depression,to actual events ,,no help from drugs unless they take you totally out of your mind,,shrinks are clueless to deal with it,,the best therapy never trust anyone in life,,never be dependent on another person in the least,,Hi No where,
Thanks--but, I have to add something to your comment. Reactive depression is better to deal with than other forms as you know what it causing it and thus it can be handled better...with the right support. As for shrinks and drugs--I agree. A doctor I know just recently said that talk therapy for shrinks is getting lost--but I suspect the right docs are still out there, those who can help people get on their right path in life with a combo of meds and insightful talk.
As for your last point--I disagree that the best therapy is to never trust anyone in life or never be dependent on another person. A right person will treat you like a son or daughter in their care, help, and love with you--unconditional with you if you are with them. Maybe they're near you now--look them in the eye and ask them if they would be totally there for you no matter what--maybe they are out there close to you, if not, there's some other time. Nevertheless, do not go through life only dependant on you--it is not the answer. That is a dead end street that has to end with loneliness, despair and darkness.
Sorry if I may have sounded like Dr Phil....
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