American Politics Easy to Succeed In—Catholic School Kids and Election Success-Politics 101

I went to a Catholic elementary school and had the best time of my life. Not because of the religion taught or the education, but because I was such a goof ball that I literally would go home at night with stomach cramps from laughing all day in school. Four of us kids were the troublemakers: Vince, Tom, Rick, and ashamedly, me. Our entire school days focused on having a good time. Yet, we somehow completed our educational commitments because the roving nuns, would accept nothing less than completing all religious and educational commitments.

The four of us brought the rest of our class into our dastardly deeds every now and then. Every day before classes the entire school attended church, which was next door to our school campus. One morning, we hatched a plan that we thought was sheer genius. While our class had choir duties from high atop the second floor of the church that morning, we thought we’d try to talk the entire class into flinging their plastic hymn cards in unison down towards the occupied church below. They all agreed to join in and during one rousing part of our class singing our hearts out and holding huge hymn cards in our hands, Vince, our ringleader saw our nun turn away for just a second, and he made his move. He signaled for everyone to fling their cards out into the air above all the churchgoers. Like a precision military drill team, we all let go at the same time and watched them all so ever slowly float down towards the unsuspecting people praying down below. Needless to say, that didn’t go over too well with anyone other than some in the class who almost died from laughing.              

Politically speaking though, we had an election in the fifth grade for class president. The school wanted to teach us in hands on fashion how elections work in our system of government.

One of the four troublemakers, Rick, decided he’d like to be class president and told us he had hatched a plan that would get him elected. He said he was going to offer candy to all the kids who voted for him. Coin shaped red liquorish would be the candy used and we’d offer each kid 20 pieces of these delicious candies if they voted for Rick. We were also to tell the kids that Rick was going to get everyone more recess time and work on a few more things that would make going to school more enjoyable. We were as thick as thieves, so the three of us went along with his plan and on the morning of the vote, we talked to all the kids and even showed them a bagful of candy that we were going to give out.

You guessed it; Rick was elected in a landslide. The other candidates didn’t know what hit them. When it came to handing out those 20 pieces of candy for everyone . . . we ran into a problem. We didn’t have enough to go around. However, no real problem though because we told everyone who was shorted that we’d make sure they’d get their missing pieces. We told them we’d get it to them as soon as possible.

Rick reneged on every promise he made. In fact, soon after winning, he forgot about “his” class and went on without one thought of them. He never bought any more candy either. Even after I felt guilty one day and told him to buy the candy owed, he told me to just tell them that they’ll get it later. After a few weeks, everyone stopped asking about their candy and they just went on with their school days.

Wow, is this classic politics at its worse or maybe at its normal in America! We were trendsetters back then and to think, it all came natural to little kids. This is a true story, as best I can remember it without embellishment.

Think back to some of the specifics of what we said we would do for the voters and then did not do them. Look at the progression of how the voters acted. From voting for Rick, complaining about not receiving what they were promised, and then the acceptance of being shortchanged. Sound familiar? Sure does! It sounds just like what we have been getting from many politicians for ages.

There is some kind of lesson to be learned from this story but I don’t know what it is. Perhaps a social scientist can make something useful out of it.  As for Rick, I lost track of him many years ago but I wonder if he is teaching politics at some prestigious college somewhere in The United States. If so, he’s been doing a great job getting his students to learn his style of Politics 101.