Moms Can Live For Ever--Respect For Your Mother, Dead or Alive and No Matter What
Posted: Saturday, May 07, 2011
by Steve Kovacs
The Kovacs Perspective
My mother died about two years ago from pancreatic cancer. She apparently had it for a few years before the cancer was found. She died within six months of being diagnosed. I was able to finagle the Cleveland Clinic affiliate hospital where she went for some treatment to keep her comfortable in the hospital until her death. I did not want to move her around to another facility or even to a local, albeit highly respected hospice center. The personalized hospital care was second to none and I made it my goal in life to keep her in the fine hands of the doctors and nurses there. I could hardly believe that I was able to keep her there for over a month after she was referred to hospice, but I did.
While at the hospital she was quite coherent up until the very end and was braver than I would have been. She knew she was dying and thank God she had many family visitors. I was there every day as was my wife. One night at home I wrote a letter to my mother that I asked my wife to read to her the next day. I won’t go through the fine details but suffice to say it was a page in length and basically said that when she dies she is leaving much to the world.
My mother got married at 17, was a simple woman with a high school education, and hardly worked much in her life other than being a house-wife and home-maker. So, when my wife read the first part of the letter to her she was surprised that she could leave much of anything to the world.
The letter went on and said everything I do that is positive from my teaching, radio shows, and writing; where I sincerely convey that anyone can be whatever they want in life and that life can be managed and enjoyed no matter who someone is, came directly from her. The letter explained that she told and showed me these truths in life. Furthermore, it said that everyone I touch and help to go on to be a better, happier, more whole person, really comes from her. That she conveyed it to me and I convey it to others. So, when I make a positive difference in someone’s life, in essence it stems from her. She taught and showed me good, how to succeed, what is important, and that everyone is capable and equal.
I now easily know these life truths and know them directly from her lighting the fire in my soul. The letter explained that when I successfully convey these truths to others she lives on in them and also in the others they may touch themselves and therefore, she will never truly die.
My wife told me that my mom would ask her to read the letter to her every now and then and she’d usually just silently listen. She never asked me about it. Some things we did not have to use words to convey, we were beyond much of that in the hospital. I believe the letter simply helped her realize her impact on the world.
I meant everything I wrote in the letter. Every day when I do things that help folk, I remember that it is her direction and her lighting a spark in me that started it. I will never let her down by not giving my all to those who I teach and direct.
So, happy Mothers Day to my mom wherever her spirit may be. In the same breath, let me sincerely say happy Mothers Day to your mom, whether living or deceased. I convey my respect to your mother whether she is or was the greatest mom in the world or whether she struggled to help herself and her family and possibly did not do a great job for you. Moms try their best. Sometimes it works out well as in my case and sometimes moms have issues that get in the way of being a good mother. Nevertheless, on this Mothers Day, all moms deserve my respect and will get it. Happy Mothers Day to them all!
My mother got married at 17, was a simple woman with a high school education, and hardly worked much in her life other than being a house-wife and home-maker. So, when my wife read the first part of the letter to her she was surprised that she could leave much of anything to the world.
The letter went on and said everything I do that is positive from my teaching, radio shows, and writing; where I sincerely convey that anyone can be whatever they want in life and that life can be managed and enjoyed no matter who someone is, came directly from her. The letter explained that she told and showed me these truths in life. Furthermore, it said that everyone I touch and help to go on to be a better, happier, more whole person, really comes from her. That she conveyed it to me and I convey it to others. So, when I make a positive difference in someone’s life, in essence it stems from her. She taught and showed me good, how to succeed, what is important, and that everyone is capable and equal.
I now easily know these life truths and know them directly from her lighting the fire in my soul. The letter explained that when I successfully convey these truths to others she lives on in them and also in the others they may touch themselves and therefore, she will never truly die.
My wife told me that my mom would ask her to read the letter to her every now and then and she’d usually just silently listen. She never asked me about it. Some things we did not have to use words to convey, we were beyond much of that in the hospital. I believe the letter simply helped her realize her impact on the world.
I meant everything I wrote in the letter. Every day when I do things that help folk, I remember that it is her direction and her lighting a spark in me that started it. I will never let her down by not giving my all to those who I teach and direct.
So, happy Mothers Day to my mom wherever her spirit may be. In the same breath, let me sincerely say happy Mothers Day to your mom, whether living or deceased. I convey my respect to your mother whether she is or was the greatest mom in the world or whether she struggled to help herself and her family and possibly did not do a great job for you. Moms try their best. Sometimes it works out well as in my case and sometimes moms have issues that get in the way of being a good mother. Nevertheless, on this Mothers Day, all moms deserve my respect and will get it. Happy Mothers Day to them all!
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Top-level comments on this article: (7 total)Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us Steve. My mother passed away in 1997, I miss her.Thanks Dave and you are welcome
and my respect to your mom
I think it's great you got a chance to write that letter, and your mother had a chance to hear it, Steve, and also that you could make sure she was comfortable until she died. Nice article, it was really good to read of your love for her :)Good point, I really did not give much thought to the many who do not have the chance to plan out anything for a relative who dies. Thanks for the words and taking the time to write.
Hi Steve this was very moving. If I had known my mom was going to go when she did I would have did so much more. The letter you wrote must have made her feel how every mother should feel (appreciated and loved.) Thank you for the respect you share...reciprocated from Kacy
Keep well
Hi KC
How bad it must be to not have the time to prepare things for a loved one who dies. To get a call one night and be told that a car crash killed someone--or something similar... Appreciated and loved...good words KC--stay well and thanks for writing.
My mother passed away in 2005 - thanks for sharing your heart with us, your readers. Good reflections with that special day coming up tomorrow.Thanks Marijo--I wish you a great holiday this mothers day...
Steve
It's important to tell people how you feel when you have the chance. I'm glad you got to tell your mom. This was a beautiful tribute to her. And I agree with you Steve. I want to believe that all women do their best at being a mother, it's just not everyone is as equipped to do the job. Thanks for sharing your letter with us.Thanks Brianna---and yes I was lucky to have the chance and also I think all moms want the best for their kids even if they really screw it up.
Steve
HI Steve. This is the most personal piece I think you have ever written, or at least that I have seen (I'm no know it all :-)) Your words brought the tears of mom - what a great gift you gave to here be giving her a living tribute that she could hold dear. My children are young adults, and they have begun to say some things that just grip the heart. We moms always wonder if we are doing it right. You did her well, as she did for you. I'm sure the gift and treasure your wife has because you asked her to read it ranks pretty high in her heart. Thank you for blessing me with a piece of your heart. TeresaHi Teresa
You know, I never told anyone this story--(maybe one relative, not really sure) so why in the world would I all of a sudden tell the whole world by writing about it-I'm nuts that's why probably.
Anyway, I'm glad it touched you and that alone may be reason enough to have written about it. My wife and my mother were like daughter and mother more than mother in law etc (you know how that can be sometimes). I have been fortunate in many ways and it can't hurt to talk about some of the ways and what they entailed I guess. I bet you are a knock out mom...there's no greater thing someone can do---oooppps, I'll probaly get some bad comments for writing that....
Thanks Teeresa,
Steve
Isn't it funny how things just come out sometimes? Maybe that's when they have the most impact and are meant to be shared. I read my comment again. I was so moved I couldn't even spell. lol Thanks for the vote of confidence. My daughter sent my mom a text on mother's day wishing her a great day, then thanked my mom for giving me to her. (Did this make sense?) You are blessed that your wife and mom had a mother-daughter relationship. I do know how it can be. I too am blessed in that my mom and my husband have that same kind of relationship. In fact, you have inspired me to write about it. I pray for this kind of relationship with my future daughter-in-law. Thanks again! Blessings to you!At least you have an excuse for your spelling...it's an up hill battle for me always-spell check actually makes it worse for me--spoils me to not work at it. I was a great speller in elementary school, became a cop and took tons of notes on calls--abbreviated everything and lost my spelling...seriously, became a read dunce with it and it has never come back. Oh, well more important things in life though. I think you may be right about things coming out and they are meant to be shared...you could have something there. Good luck with your new to be daughter-in-law---treat her like a daughter--nothing but and give her free reign similar like you did with your own kids---you will be fine. Talk to you later.
Hi Steve.Your last paragraph is a good one to remember. I probably don't give my mom (she died in 1983) half the credit she deserves.Hugs,DianneSometimes later in life we realize what we didn't at a younger age--everything has a reason and sometimes we REALLY understand and forgive or go on without hate etc.
Thanks
Steve
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