Forced as Child in Judo & Martial Arts to Understanding, Gratitude and Teaching
Posted: Sunday, September 18, 2011
by Steve Kovacs
The Kovacs Perspective
I grew up in a martial arts family. My father was one of the first Caucasian martial art teachers in Northeastern Ohio. He started me in the “arts” by signing me up in a Judo class taught by another teacher when I was eight years old. I hated it. I didn’t want to fight, especially in pajamas, actually called a “Gi”, every Saturday morning. I hated everything about it other than that my father would buy me a huge hot dog and fries at a deli after each class. I looked forward to that part every week. The rest was a blur, somewhere I had to go to and just get through it. The only single personal thing I remember from about a year of lessons is the time when I had to participate in a fighting tournament. I can’t remember how many people I had to fight but I was eventually pared against a Japanese kid in the final match. For those of you who may not know, Judo is a Japanese sport and they unquestionably were considered the experts in Judo back then and probably still are.
You would think I would have been nervous fighting a Japanese Judo fighter. I do not remember any fear. However, I remember simply hating to be there and being forced to fight—I wanted nothing but a hot dog and Saturday morning cartoons! Our fight started after a traditional bow and for a short time, we were just holding each others lapels getting ready to make our offensive moves which by the way, I really did not want to do. Then it started. This boy started trying every throw, sweep, and move possible, to get me. Moreover, he’d kiai (hollered) at the top of his lungs on every move he tried on me. He was a non-stop attack machine. I countered the moves he tried, remembering to this day that I felt disgusted that I had to be there and disgusted that this kid was trying to beet me to a pulp. He kept trying hip throws, shoulder throws, and sweeps on me until I got fed up. During one of his determined moves, I picked him up and dropped him flat on the mat with a thud, thinking that this nonsense had to stop. We grappled on the ground for a few seconds and I got him in a sort of a chokehold. He fought hard to get out but I had been taught an extra trick or two by my father, and I was able to keep him from getting out of it. The referee stopped the fight and declared me the winner. I couldn’t have cared less—I was just glad it was done with. I think I got a trophy for the win and my father put it somewhere at home. I really did not care about any of it. To make matters worse the deli was closed that day and I didn’t even get my grilled hot dog and piping hot French fries.
I stayed involved in the martial arts under my father’s tutelage until I was about 12. I never liked it. Somehow, my parents allowed me to quit. However, I started back up at 15 years-old, on my own. I became totally involved and committed and became heavily involved in boxing as well. It was an extremely hard uphill road to travel. With my dad being the “man” people always looked at me as having to be something special. To boot, some of his teachers were terrible and treated me like crap. Some were short, curt, and one even indicated that I’d never be much good at martial arts. I wanted to quit many times and I went home more than once with a tear in my eye. Long talks with my mom made all the difference for me. She told me that to be good at anything it takes much work, coupled with even more work, and coupled with tenacity— never giving up. She explained more in depth that that simply and honestly studying and working hard toward my goal and never not believing in my potential and possibility would be the key to my success.
It worked. I became as good as you could be in our style of martial art and more so, I learned what it takes to get successful in most anything in life. I also learned a very important lesson about people and more so, teaching. I learned that there is no one, and I mean no one, who cannot be successful in what they want if they work at it and try tenaciously—and believe in themselves. Some people may say this sounds nice but it simply is not true. But, it is true. The human mind and spirit is tremendously powerful if tapped correctly. I have taught many people throughout the years and I have never met anyone who could not be outstanding. Now, granted a learned teacher can make all the difference in the world but so can a mom, dad, and uncle, anyone who knows what it takes to help tap a person’s inner power so they can understand and accomplish for themselves.
I teach scholastically and still coach a select few people in martial arts. In retrospect, the bad teachers and struggles I had as an adolescent have made a difference in others lives. Anyone I have helped along in his or her journey, whether in martial arts or scholastically stems from me once being on the very bottom and being shown that there is a very real way up for every single human being.
I stayed involved in the martial arts under my father’s tutelage until I was about 12. I never liked it. Somehow, my parents allowed me to quit. However, I started back up at 15 years-old, on my own. I became totally involved and committed and became heavily involved in boxing as well. It was an extremely hard uphill road to travel. With my dad being the “man” people always looked at me as having to be something special. To boot, some of his teachers were terrible and treated me like crap. Some were short, curt, and one even indicated that I’d never be much good at martial arts. I wanted to quit many times and I went home more than once with a tear in my eye. Long talks with my mom made all the difference for me. She told me that to be good at anything it takes much work, coupled with even more work, and coupled with tenacity— never giving up. She explained more in depth that that simply and honestly studying and working hard toward my goal and never not believing in my potential and possibility would be the key to my success.
It worked. I became as good as you could be in our style of martial art and more so, I learned what it takes to get successful in most anything in life. I also learned a very important lesson about people and more so, teaching. I learned that there is no one, and I mean no one, who cannot be successful in what they want if they work at it and try tenaciously—and believe in themselves. Some people may say this sounds nice but it simply is not true. But, it is true. The human mind and spirit is tremendously powerful if tapped correctly. I have taught many people throughout the years and I have never met anyone who could not be outstanding. Now, granted a learned teacher can make all the difference in the world but so can a mom, dad, and uncle, anyone who knows what it takes to help tap a person’s inner power so they can understand and accomplish for themselves.
I teach scholastically and still coach a select few people in martial arts. In retrospect, the bad teachers and struggles I had as an adolescent have made a difference in others lives. Anyone I have helped along in his or her journey, whether in martial arts or scholastically stems from me once being on the very bottom and being shown that there is a very real way up for every single human being.
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Top-level comments on this article: (8 total)This is very encouraging, Steve. I never knew learning/teaching Judo can shape up a person's determination for positive development. I was thinking you wanted to blame your dad and mom for pushing you into this self-defense sport. One mother once told her 12 years old daughter to never stop something she had started but not yet finished. (she was also in Judo) She is now holding a very important post in Australia.Thanks Hilda. I don't blame anyone for anything--I'm a big boy, I can do with my life what I choose, no matter whom may have caused me difficulties in my past/life. Now, if I could only figure out how to grow my balding hair back I'd be a happy so and so....
I imagine there are a lot of kids out there who are involved in a sport or music lessons they despise. It's wonderful when parents give children an opportunity to explore new things, but once it's determined it's not for them, it can be a struggle. Parents have to acknowledge whether or not they want it for the child or want it for themselves. I'm glad your parents let you quit and it's wonderful you chose to continue later on. Good story Steve. These days, being trained in self-defense is not a bad thing at all.I agree, parents should let them go if they don't like it. Seems some parents want to live through their kids sometimes though.
Self-defense is great to take IF the person taking it knows their true limitations--and they do not start thinking they are super man or woman.
Thanks Brianna
A good morality tale. Thanks.
Switch to Spaces for group points.Thanks, Jack.
Steve
You know Steve, it's not nice to talk about grilled hot dogs and smokin' hot fries in front of your hungry readers.:-) Get it? Hungry reade..ok you get it, I digress. Truth of the matter is, if they get past my 45..I mean all the way past my 45, all of my questions about an afterlife will have already been answered. Great story, good day.Dave my friend, when you show up for a comment I always expect something unique and I mean that in a good way. But Dave, a 45--you don't mess around--no 22...32.... You know, the Indians had a saying about the size of a man's gun and what it means...but I'm not telling you what it was, you'll have to find an Indian to tell you.
Also, my best friend going back to elementary school got into Karate as a teenager and became so good at a young age that he was fighting men on a national level and doing well. He quit karate one day when he told me, Steve, you know this karate stuff means nothin if you hop out of your car to confront someone and someone else hops out wth a gun." This was when crime was very bad and homicides were terrible. But he was really good and realized that for self defense there ain't nothing better than a gun. Good luck finding that Indian.
Thanks,
Steve
Steve,
Thanks for sharing this inspirational story. I also believe that Believing in yourself is the most important lesson you can learn.
Keep sharing your story.
Dr.BraggHi Doc,
Someone said that not believing in yourself is actually a sin...wow--unique perspective. Anyway, yes, humble yet real belief in ourselves is key to many things to say the least. So many things get in our way though, don't they. People who help us in our quest to know ourselves are great.
Thanks for the nice words,
Steve
Steve, this is great. What an inspiration. It's amazing what we can learn even when we don't like what we are doing - I think that was at least one of the lessons your parents had in mind. Thank you for sharing! Blessings, TeresaHi Teresa,
In retrospect that's what my dad was doing. He still teaches this stuff at 90 years old...ha-ha-can you believe it?
Steve
Inspirational tale, full of the right stuff! I give your folks credit for showing you the way but permitting you to the leway to find it, again, your own and unique way. A great read and superb lessons for all.Thanks OGM, I appreciate the read and comment.
Steve
Outstanding article, Steve! I especially appreciated your comments on "bad" teachers. I can't tell you how many times I have personally encountered "bad" instructors in my own martial arts experience or witnessed it first hand with other instructors. It's a credit to you that you not only persevered despite someone else's negative influence, but you increased your resolve to overcome their comments be believing in yourself. Equally admirable is the fact that you are sensitive to it with your own dealings with martial arts and academic students. It's a shame to think how many gifted individuals either in the martial arts or in academics did not continue or live up to their true potential because they were a victim of a "bad" teacher!Bad news that many people have not come close to their potential because of bad teachers. Dan--you are an outstanding teacher and practitioner and have seen a lot having successfully fought across the nation. Now, I know you're a good judge of articles as well! Just kidding--I truly appreciate your words!
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