The Clothes Makes the Man—Grooming Helps Too I Guess-Denny’s, Bakers Square and the Bum
Posted: Wednesday, October 19, 2011
by Steve Kovacs
The Kovacs Perspective
There was a time in my life when I dressed nice all the time. Rarely, if ever, would I go out without dressing decent and pretty well groomed—hair combed and shaved. The last five years or so I have changed a bit in that regard. A bit is probably an understatement. I have been known to dress like a farmer after a hard day of work or a handyman at a sleazy trailer park when I go to a store or out and about in the neighborhood. The fact is, sometimes I just throw on what is available or handy and run to the corner store not giving a hoot about what anyone might think. Because of my work, I can go a few days without shaving and sometimes the two together make me look like . . . well, you get the picture. I always figured people would talk and deal with me gauging my personality and my words not by how I may look. Well, maybe some folks do deal with me that way but I think that we are judged more by how we look than I had thought.
Recently, I joined a friend for an exercise workout at a relative’s closed, studio. Afterwards we went to a Denny’s for a wholesome healthy meal that only a Denny’s could provide. I had not shaved in two days and had on a pair of blue loose cargo pants and a purple long sleeve thermal looking tee shirt. To set my ensemble off just right I had a brown baseball cap on and black tennis shoes. Sexy, huh? Yeah right, in retrospect I should have stayed indoors near people who accept me no matter what.
We had a great meal at Denny’s. I don’t eat there often—once or twice a year—but the times that I have, I’ve pretty much loved it. Furthermore, every time I eat there I think about an old friend of mine who I used to teach martial arts with in my 20’s who went on to become the head of all of Denny’s—the whole company. He was a hard worker and after running Denny’s he became the president of Bakers Square. A real big shot, and when I eat there, I can’t help but think about someone I knew so well who ran such a large company as Denny’s. After leaving a good tip for the good service, I was at the register paying for our meal to a 20 something year-old server.
I started talking to her a bit as I usually do to most everyone I deal with—small talk. I told her about my old friend who went on to run Denny’s and then Bakers Square. She took a long look at my unshaven face and crazy hat, longer hair and probably goofy clothes and smiled at me like, yeah, right, sure you know the ex CEO of Denny’s and Bakers Square. She was polite and smiled at me, but strictly, a smile from the book and you could tell she thought I was some old fart, talking nonsense. I chuckled to myself and left, smiling wholeheartedly. I found it amusing.
Before heading home, I stopped at a grocery store where no one knew me—I needed a couple of cans of cat food. Being unfamiliar with where items were, I asked an employee in her early twenties where the cat food was. She barely gave me an answer. She said like five words and ignored me. And this is after I asked her with a big old cool-aid smile and a positive friendly manner. But she treated me like a loser or like someone who didn’t really count. I chuckled to myself again and thanked her with a smile. When I checked out, she happened to be my check out person as well. Again, just by the book friendliness, nothing with gusto or from the heart. I smiled and thanked her and hopped in my car for the ride home. I took it all well and was not bothered much at all. However, I learned something. That we are quite often, rightly or wrongly, judged by our clothes and our grooming style. I also learned that I’m going to start watching my choice of clothes and grooming on those lounge type days!
We had a great meal at Denny’s. I don’t eat there often—once or twice a year—but the times that I have, I’ve pretty much loved it. Furthermore, every time I eat there I think about an old friend of mine who I used to teach martial arts with in my 20’s who went on to become the head of all of Denny’s—the whole company. He was a hard worker and after running Denny’s he became the president of Bakers Square. A real big shot, and when I eat there, I can’t help but think about someone I knew so well who ran such a large company as Denny’s. After leaving a good tip for the good service, I was at the register paying for our meal to a 20 something year-old server.
I started talking to her a bit as I usually do to most everyone I deal with—small talk. I told her about my old friend who went on to run Denny’s and then Bakers Square. She took a long look at my unshaven face and crazy hat, longer hair and probably goofy clothes and smiled at me like, yeah, right, sure you know the ex CEO of Denny’s and Bakers Square. She was polite and smiled at me, but strictly, a smile from the book and you could tell she thought I was some old fart, talking nonsense. I chuckled to myself and left, smiling wholeheartedly. I found it amusing.
Before heading home, I stopped at a grocery store where no one knew me—I needed a couple of cans of cat food. Being unfamiliar with where items were, I asked an employee in her early twenties where the cat food was. She barely gave me an answer. She said like five words and ignored me. And this is after I asked her with a big old cool-aid smile and a positive friendly manner. But she treated me like a loser or like someone who didn’t really count. I chuckled to myself again and thanked her with a smile. When I checked out, she happened to be my check out person as well. Again, just by the book friendliness, nothing with gusto or from the heart. I smiled and thanked her and hopped in my car for the ride home. I took it all well and was not bothered much at all. However, I learned something. That we are quite often, rightly or wrongly, judged by our clothes and our grooming style. I also learned that I’m going to start watching my choice of clothes and grooming on those lounge type days!
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Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)Well, I could imagine the picture of you that way but it's okay how others judge you by your dressing or unshaven face etc. My friend will not stand a salesgirl's unfriendliness when she popped in a sundry shop but to me, I don't give a damn. I am me myself and I like simple dressing and sandals when I go out (as long I am clean and comfortable, enough)
I do dress myself up if going to a function or formal dinner etc.
Good share !Yeah, I looked like poop that day but I'll dress up a bit and yet still be myself like you. Thanks Hilda.....
I totally agree with you. Some people totally judge you on your appearance and treat you accordingly.I've seen clerks treat people with total disregard and then turn it on for the next person in line, disgusting. Oh, and just for the record Steve, the unshaven look IS sexy. LOLHa-ha you're always looking for the kind side--here too with the unshaven comment look--I look like a bum unshaven as oppossed to your husband on those great tropic vacation pics of you guys--and probaly most men too. I need to clean up my act a bit!
Thanks Brianna
It's not only how us sloppy/casual people dress. Its that the whole world has turned sloppy/casual. The last two decades. OY. Now I find I have succumbed and like dressing down. I guess I have sunk into lower standards. Loved your article.Yes, guess the whole world has gotten casual--never thought too much of that. I had an old friend who just died (88 years young) who couldn't believe how people dressed down nowadays to go to restaurants....I'll still dress down but not quite as much as usual.
Thanks Chris
Very good story, but so true. Because of what you may look like or appear to be like, the eyes seem to determine how a person reacts. to you. Prejudging is reality.Yes, it is true that prejudging happens all the time--thanks for the read and comment.
Steve
Actually, Steve, I think you sound pretty sexy in the clothes you were wearing!! But what you say is true, people do judge according to whatever prejudices they've got. The more fool them. I love this article, it was great to read a man's experience around this issue.Hi Jennifer,
Ha-ha I loved that you think I sounded sexy in that garb. If I ever make it to S. Africa I know what to wear now! On a more serious note--yes, I think we are so brainwashed to think that from the perfect colored hair to the the tight jeans to the great car that we drive and to as you say, "The more" makes the man or woman. They don't. They simply don't but I guess it is human nature to try and make ourselves more appealing. I still get amazed to this day when I talk to a lowly security guard or bartender or someone who is not a "big shot" and I notice how smart or how insightful they are. Inside counts much more than the outside...it is a fact.It does, without a doubt, Steve (talking about inside counts more than the outside), but I've been thinking about this. The thing is, I do also love beautiful clothes. I don't think that's completely about brainwashing - I hope not!I meant brainwashed to think it is the "everything"--that certain nice things etc make the man or woman--they don't, but enjoying them is only human and okay.
It's not only the 20-year-old's that prejudge, it's also the little ones. Many years ago there was a study by one of the major TV channels. They took a group of young children 5-6 years old, I believe, and they showed showed them graphics of other children. The children in the graphics were around the same age, but they varied in color, from light to very dark and they would be asked questions. Which child would you like to be your friend? Which child is the nicest boy or girl? Which child is mean? Which child would hurt you, and on and on. They didn't interview just one group of children, they interviewed one group after another and the results were always the same. The children predetermined whether or not they would like the children in the graphics based on the color of their skin.
Your story was rather amusing. Any of us that have worked in the business world know the hassles of having to 'dress' everyday. I no longer work outside the home and can assure you my attire has changed considerably. If I went out in the outside world, I'd probably be asked if I wanted to go to the local shelter :)
Pat JohnsonHi Pat,
Interesting study --I wonder what was behind those kids thinking that way.
Yes, hassles everyday having to put our work clothes on sure could be a pain. The way you dress now sounds like me--great, I love it---nice to meet you Pat!
Thanks for the comments
SteveIf I recall correctly the purpose of the study was to prove prejudices in this country begin at a very young age. Because the children were only 5 or 6 you would think their thinking would either have to be patterned after their parents and/or their peers, as they were all students.
Nice to meet you too, Steve.
Have a good day.
Pat Johnson
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